Our Little Hill Family: New Year, New Outlook

At the beginning of the year there is always so much hype about New Year Resolutions, and I just don't understand it. Well, I guess I understand it, but I don't fall "victim" to it. Props to those of you who make resolutions and actually follow through with them, but I know myself well enough to know that I will more than likely not follow through with any resolution I may make, therefore I just don't even worry about it.
One thing I do like to do though, is think back over the past year and see if there is anything I would've done differently. Obviously I can not go back and change anything from the past (duh!), but I can hopefully learn from past experiences and apply the learned lessons to my future. And it is much easier to see a learned lesson ~~when I'm not throwing a fit about not getting my way~~ after going through something, and still coming out of it alive.
All that being said, my "reflections" this time have brought me to the realization that I am a very cautious person, always thinking of the "What if?" part of everything and not really embracing and enjoying the moment. And because of that, I've missed out on many potentially fun experiences. I remember one time, when Ben and I first started dating, one of our dates was to go roller skating. Um, I hate roller skating! Or at least I'm not very good at it. So I pitched a big ole royal fit and ended up sitting outside the entire time while and Ben and another couple stayed inside skating. Boy I bet that was awkward! Anyway, I was so worried about "What if I fall?" and "What if I embarrass myself in front of him?" that I didn't think about how much fun it could have been, and I sure didn't think about the other people involved (did I mention that I've learned I'm selfish too? But I'm not gonna think about that right now).
And then there have been times when a group of my girl friends would hit the dance floor, and I'd stay behind and sit with the guys under the preface that I would rather watch the football game that's on TV (Go Dawgs!). But really I stay behind because I think "I don't have a drop of rhythm in my entire body; I'm not going out there to make a fool of myself!". If only I had stopped for a minute, I would have realized that more than likely there will be someone out there with even less rhythm than myself, my girl friends account for over half of the people dancing and they don't care how I dance, and the other half of the people probably won't remember me anyway.
And then there are the times that Russell wanted me to jump into a pile of leaves with him, or help him color something on the driveway with sidewalk chalk, but I would say no because I just had to clean house, or fold laundry, or whatever. I bet I've missed out on hundreds of laughs and memories, all because I was worried about "What if...?".
So this year, on January 1st, 2010, I decided to ~~give a half-hearted attempt~~ go all out and try something completely out of my comfort zone, simply because I knew Ben wanted to do this activity, and because I didn't want to look back and think "Oh I wish I would've...". What am I talking about you ask? Oh, it's this fun, exciting sport called skiing. And you know what...I should've stuck with the "What if"s that I'm used to and stayed at the hotel! I hated it. I couldn't get started, I couldn't get stopped. I couldn't get the skis on, I couldn't get the skis off. I hated every stupid minute of it. Until Ben signed us up for "ski school". And then it was like a light went on and everything just clicked. Turns out I was doing everything correct in the beginning, but I let my fears get a grip on me and they wouldn't let go for anything! Once I got a little bit of confidence in myself, everything was fine. Sure I didn't master skiing on my first attempt; I actually crashed and burned to be quite honest. But I overcame most of my fear and ended up having a great time. And even went back for a second ski trip that was much more successful than the first.
If I had worried about the "What if"s I would never have found out that I actually like skiing, and I would've missed out on yet another fun time. So this year, I will not make a resolution to save money, or cook more, or whatever. This year I will strive to apply the lessons learned in 2009 to all events of my life in 2010. Maybe it's a resolution, maybe it's not. But I'm going to give it a shot and see where we end up. And by the way, I did end up going roller skating with Ben a few months ago, and we had a really good time. And I didn't even fall! Man if only I could go back in time and do some things over again...

Ben and I going up the ski lift